


Rain Dance

by Mercury Starlight (WoolandWater)



Series: Jewel Vignettes [2]
Category: Askewniverse
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-21
Updated: 2011-09-21
Packaged: 2017-10-23 22:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/255798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoolandWater/pseuds/Mercury%20Starlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Silent Bob angsts about Jay. Circa Chasing Amy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rain Dance

_*You took your coat off and stood in the rain,  
You're always crazy like that.  
And I watched from my window,  
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.*_

' _You're going to get yourself sick, dumbass._ '

That's the only thing I can really think while I watch you laughing, screaming, dancing in the rain. It's one of your favorite pastimes, this belated rain dance. The second a storm rolls in, you're out there, whirling in circles, challenging the thunder, imploring me to join you, but mostly just dancing. Just letting down all of your walls and freeing yourself for an instant. I think you find release in the rain. It's there that you allow me to see a side of you that I don't normally have the privilege of seeing; the side of you that's truly happy. As happy-go-lucky as you seem, you never are. Sometimes I can see it all behind your eyes. The intelligence you hide from the world, either from some strange misconstrued idea of pride, or the fear that if you were smart people would expect things from you. I see the pain and sorrows of losses long past, the lost name of a sister we no longer mention. The anger at a world that has failed you so many times. But most often I see nothing at all. You keep yourself well hidden, even from me. I couldn't even tell what you were thinking when I let you know…

 _*You were always the mysterious one with  
Dark eyes and careless hair,  
You were fashionably sensitive  
But too cool to care.*_

I suppose it was only a matter of time before you figured it out. It's not like I was exactly hiding it from you, and I had discovered a long time ago that you're not as stupid as you put on. It was your reaction, or rather you're lack of one, that shocked me. I can still see the absolute void on your face.

~~~ one week ago ~~~ 

"You've been fuckin' staring at me for hours, what the fuck is it?" Jay scowled at his roommate. He was already in a bad mood, and he felt like taking it out on someone. Besides, Silent Bob's eyes were starting to get to him. He was just staring. Had been all day. They would watch TV, Silent Bob would stare at him. They would be in the middle of a deal, Silent Bob would start staring at him. They would be riding home on the bus, Silent Bob would be staring at him. It was getting ridiculous, and he really couldn't take it anymore. Now he stood, glaring back finally.

Bob shrugged, shook his head, changed his expression, _'Oh, was I staring at you? I hadn't noticed.'_

"Fuck you," Jay turned around, running a hand through his hair. He turned around again to see his silent partner still staring. "Jesus fuck, WHAT?!"

Silent Bob looked away, "Just something Banky said, forget it." He walked away, toward his room. He was not about to start this conversation now.

"Oh, what, you're gonna' fuckin' confess your undying love to me 'cause it might be too fuckin' late tomorrow or some shit?" The sentence dripped with sarcasm, as did Jay's face. Bob turned around with one of the most serious expressions he had ever given him.

 _'So…?'_ his face said clearly.

Jay stopped short, his profound surprise was not evident, just a look of slight confusion. Bob sighed and walked into his bedroom. He wasn't sure what he had meant to accomplish by that look, but the message was sufficiently out there now. There was nothing to do but see what happened.

After ten minutes of sitting on his bed and waiting for something, any type of reaction, Jay appeared, a complete blank. He stared directly at Bob, "TV says it's gonna' rain. Close your fuckin' window." Even the words were empty, devoid of all emotion. Bob broke eye contact, put his head down. He hadn't thought Jay was capable of speaking without emoting. He was apparently wrong. He looked back up at the door, ready to speak, but Jay had already disappeared again. Bob lay down, sighing heavily, 'Shit.'

 _*You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say  
Besides some comment on the weather.*  
_

~~~ Present ~~~

The day after, things were entirely back to normal. I had stopped staring, you were in a better mood, and both of us were acting as if nothing had happened at all. We're very good at that, you know. It's amazing how many things don't happen between the two of us. Touches that go unnoticed, glances that go unmentioned, sometimes entire days suddenly cease to exist. In fact, when we got our first two-bedroom apartment, we didn't even have a housewarming party. The constant silence in the midst of your constant noise drives me insane. Your talent for complete obliviousness simply astounds me, even though it shouldn't. It's been the same for years. And as the years progress, it's killing me. Very, very slowly.

 _*Well in case you failed to notice,  
In case you failed to see,  
This is my heart bleeding before you,  
This is me down on my knees, and  
These foolish games are tearing me apart,  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.  
You're breaking my heart.*  
_

Do you know how many nights I've wanted to join you? Wanted to throw down every wall I've ever put up and scream at the rain? I get so angry sometimes. I wonder if you realize that I actually hear the things you say to me? I hear every venomous insult, every assault to my manhood, every cruel phrase tossed at me. I listen as you tell me how little I mean to you, and after a while, I start to believe it. I watch you wander off with any piece of ass willing to give you the time of day, and it kills me. I actually help you find the little sluts sometimes, and they are sluts, because half of them show up at my door when they're done with you. As if I would stoop that low. These meaningless little flings pile up, and after a while, they really get to me. They simply reinforce what you try to drum into my head every single day; you don't give a damn about me. Not even to the degree of respecting a roommate and toning down the fucking noise. What pisses me off even more is the knowledge that you know better.

 _*You were always brilliant in the morning,  
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.  
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.  
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones  
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.*  
_

Of course, I am referring to the times, few and far between that they are, that we have actually had a real conversation. It's as if you're suddenly fucking Socrates the way you ramble on. Suddenly, you know what you're talking about. Suddenly, we can talk about anything, from film to Theology, because you decided to get your head out of your ass and actually sound like an intelligent human being all of the sudden. It amazes me, because I am, and probably will always be, the only one you will ever talk like that with. What's worse is once you realize I know just how smart you are, you get all superior. Like suddenly I'm the one that everyone thinks is a moron. I'm the asshole that has twelve times more enemies than friends. I'm the self-professed whore that will, admittedly, fuck anything that moves. The more I think about it, the angrier I get, and at times, I consider walking out.

 _*Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else,  
Somebody who gave a damn,  
Somebody more like myself._

 _These foolish games are tearing me apart,  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.  
You're breaking my heart.*_

At times, I wonder whether I should just pick up and go, leave everything behind and leave you to fend for yourself. You're so big, you're such a bad-ass, let's see you survive on your own. Let's see what happens the first time somebody decides they want your wallet along with your stash. Let's see how you handle rent payments and housekeeping and grocery shopping. Let's see how well you do without me. I get all ready to do it, too. I let everything build up, let myself get really angry, and get to the point where I'm about to leave. And then you do something to stop me. It's happened every time, just when I think you couldn't get any more infuriating, you do something completely unexpected. You give me a present for no reason, or you thank me for doing something for you, or sometimes you just look at me in a certain way, or you smile. Your smile can keep me going for weeks, you know that? Maybe you do…maybe that's why you do it so rarely.

You're smiling now, I see, despite how soaking wet, and more than likely cold, you are. I love to see you like this. It's this awkward waltz with the rain that's keeping me from leaving right now, you understand. Well, that's the thing, you don't understand, do you? You never have, I don't think. You wander through life, screwing the occasional chick, occasionally getting the shit beat out of you, taking the occasional bad trip, with absolutely no idea of what it's doing to me. You aren't that cruel, no matter how you may want to seem. You wouldn't mess with my emotions like this on purpose. Some part of me still wants to believe that you care for me, on some level. It's what always ends up keeping me here. The thought that maybe, if I stick around long enough, you might drag me into that downpour with you, and let me hear what you only tell the storm.

 _*You took your coat off,  
Stood in the rain,  
You're always crazy like that.*_


End file.
